Many people ask, “What is divorce mediation?”. Divorce mediation is a carefully structured process in which a neutral third party, the mediator, assists a couple in negotiating the terms of their divorce. In a mediation session, both spouses have the opportunity to discuss and address important issues such as child custody, the division of marital property, and financial arrangements. Unlike the traditional litigated divorce, where both parties are often at odds with each other, mediation promotes communication and cooperation. Each person is able to share their concerns and what is most important to them in a safe and respectful environment.
A divorce mediator facilitates the conversation but does not advise or represent either party. He or she does not make decisions for the couple. This collaborative approach allows each person to maintain control over the decisions they make together. By doing so, they avoid the uncertainty and stress of leaving the decisions up to a judge. Mediation is a highly effective and adaptable process. Couples are able to address issues in a way that is unique to their situation and needs. It is also significantly less expensive and time-consuming than a traditional litigated divorce.
How Does Divorce Mediation Work?
The divorce mediation process is broken down into specific steps to help facilitate the process and promote understanding between the parties.
1. First Consultation
The divorce process begins with a first meeting where the mediator explains how the mediation process works and what they can expect. During this initial meeting, both parties have the opportunity to share what they hope to accomplish through mediation, and the non-attorney mediator can determine if mediation is appropriate for their situation.
2. Mediation Sessions
The majority of the mediation process involves joint sessions with both parties. During these sessions, the mediator helps the parties identify and address major issues such as:
- Child custody and parenting
- Distribution of marital assets and debts
- Spousal support and alimony
- Child support
The neutral mediator helps the couple communicate effectively and work together to find common ground and solutions during these discussions.
3. Writing and Implementing the Marital Settlement Agreement
Once all issues have been resolved, the mediator drafts a comprehensive divorce settlement agreement that includes the details of all resolved issues. Both parties, usually with the assistance of their divorce attorneys, review the agreement carefully to ensure it accurately reflects their agreements. Once both parties are satisfied with the document, it is submitted to the court for approval and incorporation as a final judgment.
Why Choose Divorce Mediation Over Litigation?
Divorce mediation offers several advantages over traditional litigation, making it an appealing choice for couples seeking a smoother separation process.
Customization and Control
One of the most significant benefits of private mediation is its flexibility and emphasis on tailored solutions. Unlike court proceedings, which follow rigid legal guidelines, mediation allows couples to craft agreements that align with their unique needs and circumstances.
A collaborative divorce also empowers individuals to make their own decisions, ensuring that the final agreement reflects their priorities and values. This sense of control contrasts with litigation, where a judge—often unfamiliar with the couple’s specific situation—makes critical life-altering decisions.
Cost
Hands down, mediation is the most cost-effective way to divorce. A litigated divorce can be expensive, with attorney fees, court fees, and the time-consuming process dragging on for months or even years. Mediation is a prompt and affordable process that focuses on problem-solving, not positional bargaining. You and your spouse will work together to create a solution that works for everyone instead of wasting time and money on a “winning” or “losing” approach. Mediation typically costs a few thousand dollars compared to the tens of thousands of dollars you could end up paying in attorney fees during a litigated divorce.
Timing
How about the time it takes to finalize your divorce? A litigated divorce can drag on for months or even years, causing additional stress and anxiety. Mediation is a much quicker process. You and your spouse will work together to resolve issues in a structured mediation session. Most couples complete the mediation process in a few months; compared to a year or more it can take in court. You’ll be able to move on with your life much sooner.
Family
Last but not least, consider your children. A litigated divorce can be incredibly harmful to your kids, turning them into pawns in a game of “winning” or “losing.” Mediation is a collaborative process that focuses on communication and problem-solving. You and your spouse will work together to create a parenting plan that works for everyone, and you’ll be able to co-parent amicably. Mediation is a kinder, more compassionate way to divorce, and it’s especially beneficial for families.
Busting Divorce Mediation Myths
Myth #1: Mediation only works for couples who get along
One of the most common misconceptions about mediation is that it only works for couples who get along. Not true. Mediation is designed to help couples work through issues, even if they don’t see eye to eye. A good mediator is trained to handle angry and resistant clients and to help them communicate effectively. While it is helpful if both people are at least willing to give mediation a try, it is not necessary for both people to like each other or get along. A mediator can help you work through issues and create a plan to move forward, even if you don’t agree on everything.
Myth #2: Mediators make decisions for the couple
Another common myth is that mediators are like judges and will make decisions for the couple. Not true. A mediator’s role is to help facilitate a conversation and guide you through the decision-making process. They can suggest options and help you both think of solutions you may not have considered on your own, but they will not make decisions for you. A mediator’s job is to help you both reach agreements that you both feel comfortable with, and that meet your needs. A mediator does not have a vested interest in the outcome and is not there to “win” or be “right.” Mediation is a collaborative process, not an adversarial one.
Myth #3: Mediated agreements are not legally binding
Many people assume that because a mediator is not a judge, the agreements reached during mediation are not legally binding. Not true. A mediator is not there to issue orders like a court, but the agreements you reach during mediation are absolutely legally binding. After you have reached an agreement through mediation, it is typically submitted to the court for judgment. Once the court approves it, it becomes a court order and is legally binding, just like an order issued by a judge. This is true in most states, and your mediator can let you know specifically how it works in your area.
Related article: How to Have a Civil Divorce
Get Ready for Your First Session
Preparing for mediation is essential to making the process as productive and efficient as possible. Here are some steps you should take before your first mediation session:
Gather Important Financial Documents
Having all relevant financial information handy is crucial. Collect financial data that includes:
- Bank statements
- Tax returns
- Paychecks or stubs
- Mortgage statements or rental agreements
- Investment accounts
- Lists of assets and debts
Having all of this information will help you understand what your overall financial situation is and allow you to discuss finances, such as support and property division, intelligently in mediation.
Be Emotional and Mentally Prepared
Mediating a divorce can bring up many emotions. It’s essential to prepare yourself mentally for the process.
- Accept Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel sad, angry, and frustrated. Those are normal emotions during this challenging time.
- Take Care of Yourself: Do things that help reduce stress, such as exercising, meditating, or talking to friends you trust.
- Be Open-Minded: Go into the mediation process willing to listen to your spouse and consider compromise.
Being emotionally ready will help you stay focused and cooperative during negotiations.
Practice Open Communication and Set Realistic Goals
Good communication is vital to a successful mediation process. Be prepared to calmly and respectfully explain your needs and priorities.
- Identify Top Priorities: What are the most important outcomes in your mediation process? Write them down and refer to them often.
- Think About Hot Button Issues: What issues do you know will be problems with your spouse? Think about compromises you might be willing to make.
- Focus on Solutions: Approach discussions about sensitive topics with a solutions-focused attitude rather than a revenge-focused attitude.
Moving Forward with Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation offers a practical, cost-effective, and emotionally supportive way to navigate the complexities of divorce. By fostering communication and collaboration, mediation helps couples create tailored solutions that reflect their unique circumstances.
Whether addressing financial arrangements, parenting plans, or property division, mediation empowers couples to move forward with less conflict and greater control. Understanding what is divorce mediation highlights it’s role as a compassionate alternative that prioritizes your well-being and the future of your family.
