Jan 30, 2013

Talking with Children about Divorce – Part III

Children and Divorce

How can parents help children during a divorce?

In our third and final post in this series, following is a list of ways you can help your children survive your divorce. Check off the ones you have done and circle the ones you plan to do.

Reassurance

Assure your children that the divorce was not their fault.
Assure your children that both parents love them.
Tell your children that it’s OK to feel sad because they miss their other parent.

Stability

Maintain the individual relationships you have with each of your children. Encourage the other parent to do the same.
Stick to a daily routine with your children.
Make changes in your children’s lives slowly, letting them discuss these changes with you. Reward your children for their efforts in making these changes.

Encouragement

Encourage your children to play with friends and participate in other age-appropriate activities.
Encourage your children to continue to pursue their interests.
Fairness

Do not ask your children, either directly or indirectly, which parent they love more.
Be fair in sharing your children’s time with their other parent.

Honesty

Acknowledge that your children may want you and your former spouse to reunite. Do not encourage or support this wish.
Talk with your children honestly about any changes that will affect them before they occur.

Support

Support your children’s need to visit their other parent.
Support your children’s desire to love both of you. Tell them it’s OK.

Security

Don’t use your children as a counselor or source of emotional support. Seeing parents needy and dependent may make children feel insecure. Find an adult who can fulfill these needs for you.

Remind your children that you and your former spouse will still take care of them.

Trust

Show your children that you trust their ability adapt to these changes.

Following this list along with the advice given in Parts 1 and 2 of this series will help you help your children survive your divorce.

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In case you missed it read PartII Talking with Children about Divorce