Parental Alienation – The Insidious Poison That Damages Children

Through the cult-like indoctrination process of PA, a child comes to believe that the parent they once loved is evil and harmful to them; sometimes even being led to believe that their parent abused or abandoned them.

Many people who engage in alienating children have personality disorders such as narcissism and borderline personality disorder so are focused on their own unhealthy agenda and do not have the ability to understand nor the compassion to care about the harm they are causing to the child.

Children are taught to respect their parents and are physically and emotionally dependent on them. They are vulnerable and when fed toxic feelings about their adoptive or biological parent, confusion, anxiety, and loyalty wars rage internally in their innocent hearts. Children learn to distrust their gut and guilt arises when feeling positivity towards the alienated parent. A “walking on eggshells” pattern around the alienator parent can form and cutting off the other parent can cause temporary psychological stress relief.

Children who are alienated from a parent most often develop Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS); resulting in a lifetime of significant mental health challenges including low self-esteem/self-hatred, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, addiction, eating disorders and chronic relationship instability.

The child or adult child with PAS can be quite effective in convincing siblings and other family members to believe that the alienated parent is evil. Sadly studies have shown that adult PAS victims are more likely to become alienated from their own children causing it to cycle through multiple generations.

Parents who encounter the animosity and outright rejection from their child suffer from an excruciatingly painful form of grief; the trauma of mourning a child, still alive, who they can’t see and sometimes being held responsible for it by those who do not know the facts nor do they understand parental alienation.

Unfortunately, PA is often done secretively without the other parent realizing its invasiveness until their child is more fully indoctrinated. Here are a few signs of Parental alienation:

• Your child distancing themselves, questioning your motives.
• Increased anxiety when your co-parent is mentioned.
• Parentified language, saying unusually hurtful things to you and/or acting out in other ways.

Error on the side of caution and immediately seek the support of mental health and legal experts to guide you through your options.

The first step is to immediately seek the support of mental health and legal experts. Beyond that here are some helpful strategies.

• Don’t take your child’s rejection personally or begin to believe that you are a bad person; that you deserve this tragic situation. All parents make mistakes so forgive yourself for those and be compassionate with yourself.
• If/when your child attacks you, take a pause and resist the instinct to attack your child or to attack your child’s alienator to the child.
• Continue to show your love and support for your child if you have the opportunity to do so; hold that love in your heart and share it with others if you are unable to communicate it to your child.
• Know that an alienator can succeed in removing your child from your life; however, they can never remove the many good memories of the love you shared with your child before the alienation took place so continue to hold tightly to those treasured memories.
• Always take the “high road” by maintaining your highest standards of ethics and conduct in your interactions with your child and his/her alienator. Don’t get pulled down to their lower level of conduct.
• Don’t allow the alienation of your child to fully dominate your thoughts and your life. Practice gratitude by continuing to remind yourself of all that is still good in your life.
• Never give up.